It wouldn't let me upload the video so here's the link to it on youtube
Elizabeth Lally is alone in her room, crying,
remembering the bottle of oxycodone pills in her drawer from a past ailment, struggling
with a decision that could end her life. She gets up and crosses the room to
her dresser, but she hesitates and images of her family flash before her eyes,
she sits back down.
Elizabeth
struggles with depression and has been since high school although her diagnoses
was only recently. Elizabeth recalls back to her days in high school and living
with depression.
“I
remember saying to my best friend I’m really glad I went (to Paris) because I
think I would have gotten really depressed if I hadn’t. I don’t know why, going
just shook things up. The same thing happened again senior year,” Elizabeth
said.
When
asked about her childhood experiences Elizabeth had a hard time recalling a
time when she felt pure bliss, but eventually she was able to conjure a memory
of a trip to Florida. She went with just her 10 year old cousin and they bonded
on the plane ride playing games and laughing at inside jokes. She uses this
memory when she is feeling particularly down because this was a time of
innocence and freedom that she never had before and wouldn’t have again.
Elizabeth
has coping mechanisms that she uses when she feels the anxiety building and
feels herself slipping into a low of depression. One such mechanism is
recalling past memories like her Florida trip or her two trips to Paris.
She
explained her trip to Paris to me with glee in her eyes; she is currently a
French major so France is a major interest of hers. Paris in high school was
her salvation and her two big trips there was what brought her to a high that
she wasn’t previously at.
Another
coping mechanism that she had in high school was surrounding herself with her
friends and family and using them to motivate her. This mechanism quickly
became obsolete as she moved to college, a place where she didn’t really know
anyone.
Her
first couples of weeks were filled with anxiety and home-sickness. Her friends
from home were busy at school and she rarely had a chance to talk to her
parents. But, eventually she made friends and was able to find a happy place in
the new unfriendly environment.
After
about two months disaster struck when she was driving back to school from
Target. The car she was driving was hit on the side by an oncoming vehicle, and
although she sustained no injuries her roommate was in the hospital for over a
week.
This
accident was enough to slip her back into a depression.
“It was terrible because even though our
friends came through a lot for me I felt I didn’t have cemented relationships
here… I felt so responsible for the accident. People in the halls would hear me
crying and pacing.”
After the accident she
went to the Counseling and Testing Services on Stonehill’s campus.
“Keeping up with them
(counseling) is hard because they always switch the counselors, but it was the
only thing that kept me going. There were nights I was clutching a bottle
thinking it would be better if I just died.”
She
continued to go to counseling for a year and it wasn’t until November of 2011 a
full year after the accident Elizabeth was diagnosed. Elizabeth was diagnosed
with post-traumatic stress disorder and depression.
“I wasn't necessarily aware that she
had depression but after the car accident I knew she was going through a lot. I
guess only after she was actually diagnosed did I realize how serious it was,”
one of Elizabeth’s closet friends, Alex Brannelly recalls.
Elizabeth though does
not outwardly exude her illness. Most of her friends would say she was the
“happiest depressed person they know.”
Depression isn’t always
about the lows in life, the times when depression sinks in and becomes
overwhelming, it is a day by day struggle. She has moments where she is sitting
in bed sobbing at 3 am and moments when she is laughing without friends as if
there are no cares in the world.
There are a lot of
contributing factors to Elizabeth’s depression, such as biological factors,
both her parents having depression and she also has seasonal depressions. In
the winter months Elizabeth experiences the worst of her depression.
“She has come a long way
since the end of first semester. She’s really learned to deal with her emotions
better and is starting to accept her depression and how to deal with it the
best way she can. I think she’s a much happier person now than she was when I
first met her,” Brannelly concludes.
Although it has only
been five months since the diagnoses, Elizabeth has been able to cope with her
illness and find moments of peace.
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